The sequel to holy thirukural

On a wall close to Commercial St, Bangalore.. must be the handiwork of the students of Happy Hours School.

High Spirits

Surely, the students passing out of this school must be high-spirited!

School Anthem
----------------------
Hic hic hic
Take your pick
If you have some gin
There's a free one thrown in
Happy hours always
Happy are we anyways

We may not know where we are
But dip that book in beer
Maths, Science, Geography and Histo-ry
Are clearer with a shot of whiskey!

Hic, hic, Hic-hic, hic!
--------------------------

India looks beyond Euro-4 / Bharat-4 Emission norms

8 February 2004 / JNW Service / Bangalore

Due to the exploding population of India, we have had to go beyond the existing, even proposed emission norms by the establishment of human emission norms to control the alarming rate of air and olfactory pollution from these sources. This is the first such effort any where in the world and the first such state-of-the-art AETC (Anus Emission Testing Centre) has been set up in Bangalore on a pilot basis for a period of 1 year. If this is successful, it will be replicated country-wide.

Several countries having large or dense populations including China, Japan, Singapore and Bangladesh have evinced keen interest in this technology. According to the Director of AETC, Anushree Padhi, this is an untapped source for alternate energy resources with vast potential in view of the large demand-supply energy gap in India.

Because of energy related implications, USA and Britain who always look for steady energy sources due to the inherent instability of the Middle East, have signed MOUs with India to take-off as much as 50% of the value-added gas products. This is expected to create a large number of jobs for Indian professionals in this field of expertise.

Meanwhile, American and British workers' unions are smelling a rat, citing this as yet another example of how Indians are stealing their jobs. They claim that Indian emissions may be cheaper, but the quality of American and British emissions are far superior because of their diet. Asked to comment on this, Anushree Padhi said that the quality of Indian emissions are comparable to American and British ones. "Our diet consists more of pulses and beans than Western ones, which have more of meat products. Also, because of this, we don't need to worry about diseases like SARS and bird flu. They are not able to digest our growth and their griping is just sour grapes. Its time they eat humble pie."

With such "nascent" technology, only time will tell how this one turns out.

-JNW (Jaimini NewsWire)
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PS. OK, OK already, I took this photo on CMH road, Bangalore. If you missed it, there is a small apostrophe between the "U" and the "S". Even then, its not very flattering for people called Anu!

Fire Ahoy

16 April 2006 / JNW Service / Bangalore

People in Bangalore are bored. What gives? Well, take the traffic for instance. Everyday its the same old obstacle course -

• traffic pile-ups
  
• flooded roads (wishing you had James Bond's amphibious car as in "The Spy Who Loved Me").
  
• pesky autos taking sudden 180 degree turns in front of you.
  
• mindless cops who instigate traffic jams.
  
• bottomless potholes in to which people disappear - some have conjectured the existence of black holes in them.
  
• rampaging BTS buses and BPO Qualises whose "Call for complaints" phone numbers coincidentally don't work.
  
• helmetless guys on bikes (acting like Ajay Devgun in "Phool Aur Kaante").
  
• old women in CNG-retrofitted Fiats going at 20km/hr, blocking your way during those rare days when there is no traffic.
  
  

I mean, its a bit like getting sick of Need Of Speed after playing it for a half a million times. People are yearning for some more, something "Hat ke". The traffic does not feel the same anymore.

(Mr Agni Nagappa demonstrating his new innovation)

In comes the latest innovation. For the bored, drag-racing daredevils. Nothing like a bit of fire to lighten up the boredom. It add a whole new "element" to the traffic conundrum. This idea was incubated by Mr. Agni Nagappa, a grassroots innovator, who has applied for a Indian patent (No. 420042240) for this idea. "I felt bored", says Mr Nagappa. "I really mean it. The traffic was getting to be such a drag.. I could drive through SP Road with my eyes closed. A few times I actually fell asleep while driving my scooter. Thats when I thought up riding through fire - Now I do it so many times that people say I am expressionless - but it gives me a thrill like nothing else." So don't be surprised if you see the road burning ahead of you- just revv up and burn that rubber!

Thumbs up to the great Bangalore spirit of innovation and take-things-in-their-stride-ness!

- Jaimini NewsWire Service (Photo courtesy Times of India)